It's become a yearning.

Hi everyone

I really want to have a second child. As usual I have a heap of friends who are pregnant at the moment and although I'm completely over the moon for them I starting to get a gnawing feeling deep inside.
I used to inwardly giggle when some people would talk like wanting another baby was a physical urge, or that they felt like someone was missing from their family. I thought it was a touch melodramatic if they already had one or two healthy little ones.

I have an amazing friend who after years of infertility and double digit miscarriages now has 3 beautiful little poppets. She understood when I became a bit of a hermit after finding out about the whole pcos issue. She didn't push, but just reminded me that she was always there to talk if I wanted to. No pressure or judgement.
(By the way, this will be an interesting way to check if she reads my blog)

I know I'm only 26, I know my biological clock isn't in free-fall yet it feels like I'm running out of time.

I'm worried that with having a second child comes all the new things to feel guilty about. Showing alleged favoritism, sibling rivalry, being a stay at home mum for my first and childcare and the working mum routine with the second to allow us to get ahead financially instead of wallowing in debt.
And yet even thinking of these things means I'm getting way ahead of myself. It's not even known IF I can fall pregnant to even have another baby.

For now I just have to focus on what I can do I suppose. Exercise and eat healthily.

All for all those people who explained what it felt like and I didn't understand. I do now and I'm so sorry.

Much love

Cie

Entering the real world as soon to be former stay at home mum.

Hey everyone!

As I previously mentioned my 4 year old daughter starts school in less than 4 weeks (part time kindergarten here in Western Australia) Full time Pre-primary starts next year.

As shes an only child (at this stage) this will mean I have to re-enter the world of adults.
<cue dramatic music!>

{To childless peeps this sounds all very strange I'm assuming, I will try and explain}

• I can no longer live in jeans and a t-shirt that don't flatter, using the excuse of comfort and practicality.
• I can no longer spend endless days hanging out at home with limited outside world contact (without a child involved it just seems lazy!)
• I will actually have to wear all the super high heels I own and have told my husband that I WILL wear them when little madam isn't with me.
• I cant duck to the shops with unwashed hair and no makeup hoping people will just assume that I'm an overtired mummy (always helps when little madam has a tantrum while we are there, adds to the illusion)

The truth is that I could have started my transition back to the real world years ago as the demands (especially physical) have decreased exponentially as she has gotten older and more interdependent. So why didn't I change?

Honestly....I was scared.

As much as I hate the term "just a mum" the stereotype gave me comfort.
If people found me boring at a backyard BBQ and ended conversation abruptly it was their problem not mine as it was because I was "just a mum"
If I looked for part time work and was rejected it was because the employer saw me as "just a mum" not because I have no concrete qualifications.

Maybe it had nothing to do with being "just a mum"... Maybe it was just me!

I have, for the most part, LOVED being "just a mum" and staying home to raise my daughter. I have watched her grow and not missed a single milestone. I'm very fortunate to have been able to do this as I know many other mums (parents) can't stay home full-time for a million different reasons. (and this isn't about judging that one way or the other)

But I'm a bit jealous. Do mums who return to work earlier have this feeling of being completely lost when school time comes around? Do they flounder at the idea of 2.5 days a week alone?

I would love to hear from everyone.
Childless peeps- How do you feel about "just a mum" people?
Mums who returned to work early- Do you still feel lost as your child/children start school, Like a loss of identity?
"Just" mum's- Am I alone in feeling this way?


much love
Cie

My first thoughts on finding out about PCOS.

Hello all


As I had a day off yesterday (Sunday is the day of rest after all!) I'm going to try for a twofer today. One serious and one slightly fluffy. Lets crack on with the serious.

I was officially diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) early this year, but I have known that something wasn't quite right for a while now. It was just now given a name buy a professional.
As any Gen Y'er would do after getting a diagnosis I came home and promptly jumped onto Google....Big mistake!

"Uterine cancer, infertility, hysterectomy, acne, facial hair, heart disease, insulin resistance, weight gain, sleep apnea, burst cysts, mood swings, hirsutism, androgen's, balding, acne, dandruff, heart disease, diabetes, depression, menstrual issues!" 

All the things a 26 woman trying to have a second baby wants to hear! NOT!


It scared the crap out of me and I spent the next week crying myself to sleep, never allowing anyone including my husband to see how much it effected me.

I was broken...defective... and as far as having a second child was concerned, barren!!


Looking back all the tell tale signs were there. 
I hadn't lost any of my pregnancy weight and had actually gained some on top of it!
I didn't get my period regularly, only once every 3-6 months or so. 
My hair and skin had changed.
Although I was making great headway in dealing with my depression i still had big mood swings for no reason.
I had a couple of strange little black chin hairs that I plucked regularly.(OK more than a couple but not heaps, or is that denial?) 
I was ALWAYS tired (I put that down to being a mum!)
It wasn't just the weight gain but my entire body shape had changed.
and the big one.... I couldn't get pregnant when we wanted me to!


Once I got over my sooky-la-la week I started talking about it, mentioning PCOS on many of the random Facebook pages I'm a part of and I realised that
a) So many more woman had it that I had realised! And so many were surprised to find someone else who knew what PCOS stood for.
b) There were many other woman who were in a much worse situation that I was. Many hadn't had any children even with medical assistance despite trying for years. Some women have to shave their face, neck, arms daily..makes my weekly plucking seem trivial. Some women had had cysts burst and had to have one or both ovaries removed. Made me feel like a douche-bag for getting so upset about my low level symptoms!
c) There are ways to combat the symptoms naturally. The big one is losing weight (bit of a double edged sword this one, Help PCOS by losing weight but PCOS makes it REALLY hard to lose the KG's)
Also that removing as much sugar from your diet will help with weight loss and the insulin resistance. I'm attempting to quit sugar (or at least keep it under 24g total per day) If you want more info on quitting sugar have a look at Sarah Wilson's eBook "I quit sugar" HERE. Also Melissa from "Suger Coat It" is quitting sugar as well see HERE. :)


I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on PCOS.


Much love
Cie

take 2 (aka- where I try and catch up on the past 6 months)

Hello Lovers!
Its been a long time between drinks, or in this case, blogs.

Its been a busy busy 6 months in my world and I figure that I should sum up things.
There will be posts in more detail on many of the things that have occurred.

• We moved from Darwin to Perth so my husband could start his new career.
• We DROVE from darwin to perth (with a 4 year old....in a corolla hatchback!)
• We are now living with my Inlaws (mother in law, stepfather in law and brother in law)
• Little madam starts school in 4 weeks. (WA has a weird school system that im still trying to get my head around)
• We started trying for baby number two late last year (before all the earlier posts) with no success and shortly before we moved I was dignosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) with the added bonus of insulin resistance. (which explains why NONE of my pregnancy weight gain seems to have gone away!)
• Now we arent sure if baby number two is an option that we want to pursue.
• I will now have to somewhat "reinvent myself." I have been a stay at home mum for 4 years, and now it looks as if its time to join the "real world" again. I find this perplexing. I hadnt realised how much of my identity had been tied up with being "just a mum" (Oh my god! I hate that term, but it pretty much sums up things and how I'm feeling at the moment.
• As im no longer living in the humid tropics of the Northern Territory I have been able to start to rediscover fashion again. Its very exciting! and I'm pleased to announce that since arriving in Perth I have worn a bra every single day. No more braless bogan! (see here to have that explained)

So thats it for now.

I'm hoping to make a few changes to this blog over the coming weeks...If anyone has any experience they can share with me about the best ways to promote/market pathetic to pin-up send me a message on the facebook page or email  <which i will add the address here shortly once I create it>


What have you all been up to? Any big news? small news? silly news? Share it as a comment! :)


Much love
Cie

Days 12-21 The mother of all problems.

And yet again I have slacked off with regular blogging. Dammit! I'm not great with regular commitment..I'm surprised I've managed to stay married for as long as I have to the one man!

Things with my pin up mission are plodding along. I have started a better skin routine and have been making an effort to wear things suit my shape ( pulled in at the empire line either by design or belted in with one of the many belts I found lurking in my wardrobe after my cull.)

Many of my thoughts recently have been directly related to being the mother of a daughter. For most girls the most influential person in their lives is their mum.
So I have been deliberating about how my focus (or until recently, lack of focus) on my physical appearance. And how it influences her. I have been reading about a UK campaign called "pink stinks" (will add the link in later) it looks at the products available to young girls. I was horrified to see the number of beauty related products for sale directed at the pre-tween age bracket. After watching some of their videos online I went an wandered around the local target toy section. It's scary!!
So now I'm trying to figure out how much of my new "lifestyle" to expose my 3 yer old daughter to? At the moment she thinks lipstick is for covering her dad in kisses and that's all. She hates having her hair brushed let alone pulled back into pigtails or similar. I love that she tells me I'm beautiful when I'm in my pajamas and I want to maintain that childhood innocence.
I knew an 8 year old girl who refused to leave the house unless her mother straightened her fair because she had "ugly hair" Terms she had heard her mother using when about her own hair. Now I never use self deprecating terms anywhere my little madam but kids are like sponges. Does focusing on my outwards appearance more mean I'm damaging my daughter? She isn't aware of the mental journey (god I hate that word!) that goes along with the physical changes.

So I would like to be reassured that I'm not going to have to start saving for therapy now! Tell me I'm over analyzing...PLEASE!

Any what have you done/do that you ou think may damage you little ones?

Day 12 - shit happens.

(This is a bit of a follow on from day 11)

I got an amazing sleep in this morning and was woken up by little miss at around 9am crying,standing next to my side of the bed, saying she had done a poo. (fair enough! Just a normal start to the day!) .....in her bedroom. So hopped up and assured her that it was ok, accidents happen and we can just clean it up...no worries.
Turns out the poor little duffer had finally worked the contents of her bowel loose (yay! Finally!!) but the parachoc we had been giving her to help soften things up had worked TOO well on everything behind the initial solid bit. There was poo from one end of my house to the other. It had leaked out of her nappy and down her legs and had dropped with every step she had taken to come and tell me. She was devastated!! She had tried to clean up the original mess and had managed to spread it out. So stripped her off to get her rinsed off in the shower and the nappy exploded as I removed it (another poo puddle!!) 30 minutes, two rolls of toilet paper and a steam mopping it was all gone. But our house had a definite smell of fecal matter for most of today.

At least little missy feels much better today!

So today has definitely NOT fallen in with my pin-up plan! Lol. The glamours of being a parent right??

What is the most disgusting/amusing/ icky/horrifying scene you have encountered that your kid/s have created? (or witnessed other peoples children create)


Cheers

Cie
xox

Ps. I promise that not all my blog posts will about shit...hehe.

(I did consider taking a photo but decided NO ONE needed to see that!!)

Day 11- Rocking the rockhole

So my plan to post this yesterday afternoon didn't come to pass. We had a busy day. The 3 of us went out to buley rockhole in the litchfield national park (100ish km south west of Darwin) and went for a swim in the beautiful semi natural pools (some modification has been done around the edges for safety) and had a picnic. As it was quite busy and little miss wasn't feeling 100% we went off to have a look at Florence falls and then headed home.
We will definitely head back out there again again before we leave the NT. will be going out earlier in the day to avoid the heat

As for little miss not feeling very well. We have been having a heap of issues with constipation. We have been using the nuddie method of toilet training and she's fantastic with her wees but hold her poos until she's completely blocked up and in pain. If anyone has some gentle suggestions on how we can help her with this please leave me a comment below. (we have tried all the dietary suggestion we can find but it seems to be a psychological thing for her...Afraid to poo on the toilet or potty for some reason. I hate seeing her in pain!

Cheers.
Cie
xox

Have added a pic of Florence falls :)